This year I am focusing on being OPEN…it is my word for the year and I am also picking a word for each month to focus on and fully live into.
So far January was Exploring, February and March were TRUST..I needed two months for that one as I trusted what the Universe was giving me and leaned into all the changes that happened over those two months. Living alone for the first time, possibly moving somewhere out of my comfort zone and trusting in the unfolding of all of it. Trusting that I am exactly where I need to be.
Next month is going to be EMBODY. Why? Because I resist embodying my own body. It is like a kicking and screaming kind of resistance. While I don’t actually kick and scream, I resist it so strongly and literally avoid things that will force me back into my body.
For months my trainer asked me to do some workouts on my own and I resisted.
For months I’ve been aware of my body’s need to stretch and move in order to dissipate some of the pain I am in and I have resisted it. Entering into the pain in order to feel better has felt hard and I have not wanted to go there.
I sit and work at my computer for long periods of time, ignoring my body until it screams for attention, until my back is stiff or I have some other pain. I so want to ignore it and get lost in my thoughts and the flow of creativity..but the truth is, I can’t. I cannot ignore it, no matter how hard I try.
In fact my body has a distinct way of getting my attention and it usually through some pain or illness.
The other day I was describing what DI (diabetes insipidus) was to someone who is going to be my new roomie and she said something that stuck with me, she said that my illness really forces me to be embodied (not exact words). I cannot ignore my symptoms when they arise as they often arise every few hours and are very uncomfortable. I must tend to my body whenever I get symptomatic. DI forces me to be in this body and pay attention and perhaps that is why it is here.
Part of the process of returning to my body in this more conscious way, is knowing how I leave it, paying attention to how ignore it.
One very obvious way is food. Food helps me leave and numb.
Another is getting lost in the intellect, living from the head up.
Getting so super focused on something that I forget to get up and move.
Not taking time out to for breaks, for pausing and focusing on my breathing, spending way too many hours doing anything (tv watching, internet surfing)
My body has been screaming lately, pain levels are up, which is the main reason I feel a great need to embody my own body.
Some ways I’m structuring my environment in order to do this:
I have my yoga mat out in the living room awaiting me every morning.
I will be walking a few times a week now that the weather is getting warmer.
I’m thinking of setting a timer on the hour so I can stop and just tune in and breathe.
I am also going to take this to another level and think about what I want to embody this month..what are the feelings I want to embody, what is the energy I want to take into my body and explore and navigate, what is the rhythm I want to feel in my body?
I’d like to do some dialogue with my body through journaling and painting, allowing my body to speak to me and being willing to listen to it.
Do you have a word for the year? I’d love to hear about it? How can you stay plugged into it on a monthly basis?