Pieces of Me #4: Seeing Myself Through More Accurate Mirrors [entry-title permalink="0"]

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I had a rough day yesterday, stressed, frustrated, feeling invisible. I even dreamt of being invisible. I was sitting in a classroom and the teacher came over to myself and another student. She oohed and ahhhed over this student’s work. When she looked at me she said, “oh” and proceeded to rip apart my work. I stood up to her and decided to leave the classroom. On my way out I said “goodbye everyone” and no one responded and I said it again and someone muttered but again..I felt invisible. The day started off like this and kind of went downhill from there, mentally.  Most days I have fleeting negative emotions just like anyone else but I know enough to not dwell on them too much. I know enough not to believe everything I think.

 

And then there are days, days where we just fall into these holes or trances.  Times when we start to believe our stories.

I experience them in various intensities and duration.

They used to last a lot longer, weeks, months because left unchecked, they fester and build upon each other, one thought leading to another thought, leading to another.

Today, instead of stewing in these, one thing I’ve learned is to reach out. The people I’ve surrounded myself with hold more accurate mirrors up for me and help me to see beyond my own faulty perception. Yesterday a particular group of fabulous people helped pull me out of the hole. They reminded me of the importance of reaching out, of laying it bare even if you want to run away afterward. They reminded me of the gift of staying and allowing myself to be seen even in the funk.

I am grateful that I have ways to step out of the hole now, for many years I just didn’t know how. And even still today sometimes I forget.

Without support you can spiral down in that hole, for a long time, feeling alone, afraid and hopeless.

One of the most powerful pieces of the work we do in Core Energetics is feedback at the end of each person’s work because without it, you will make up your own story about what people think about your process, about you, but when you get that feedback, you get to check out those stories and perceptions you have, you get to see the truth of what was felt and experienced in the room beyond your self conscious lens.

It’s powerful.

We all need to find ways to step outside and see ourselves in the safe and loving eyes of others. By doing so, we begin to see ourselves more accurately.