The Journey Back to My Body [entry-title permalink="0"]
body journal
Hello my beauties! I am so sorry its been so long but I had to put the blog posting on hold as I was focusing on my own personal journey of yes (which has been so huge, update soon), running the last Journey of Yes, in which I was posting daily and running the biz. Sometimes the blog gets neglected in my attempts to give attention to everything. We finished the most recent Journey of Yes (next one starts January 1st) a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been spending time unplugging, and focusing on acquiring some fabulous new equipment and goodies like a new camera, and computer, yay!  Both long overdue as I was losing hours of my life working with outdated equipment. Gah! But alas that is over and I can create content with more ease.
Today I finally had some time to turn inward, after becoming ill for a few days and having family over for the weekend. As I sat on my bed and placed a hand on my leg I suddenly became aware of my body. I say suddenly because the truth is I have spent a lifetime not paying attention to it.
My current journey of yes has forced me to pay attention to it. Each time I walk, do yoga, go to the personal trainer, choose what foods I will eat, pay attention to my reaction to certain foods, think about how I want to engage with food, stretch and pay attention to signals of pain..I am confronted with the reality of my body.
Today I became emotional when thinking about my body and how it is changing, and how it has really just reflected my mind and how I have felt about myself throughout the years. It has been merely a mirror reflecting the beliefs I’ve held about myself and the deep wounding I’ve carried since childhood.  
As I journey back to my body, I can’t help but be saddened by my disconnect from it, by my neglect of it.
The sadness is okay. It is real and necessary to come home but it is a deep sadness nonetheless.
The way I am choosing to live now is an apology to my body for all the ways I had to leave it, for all the ways I chose to leave it and ignore it.  Each day is a commitment to  continue to renew my love for it.
Each moment really is a choice between leaving it or tuning in.
day 92 015
I realize there is so much I don’t know about my body, so much of its inner workings are unknown to me because of the absence of consciousness.
I have been so used to ignoring it, eating whatever, not paying attention to signals, not giving it time and space to move, to stretch, to ground, that as I get closer to it, the more I awaken to it and what it needs.
The journey back so far has been amazing. My body is telling me thank you, my body is releasing weight with more ease, my body is changing and adapting my new way of being, it loves to move, and I am less hungry in that ravenous kind of way. I still relapse every once in a while and go unconscious, but I can never go back to the person I was before. My relationship with body is evolving and changing, and will never be same again.
Today I thank my body for carrying me through and doing the best it could with whatever I threw at it.
“We don’t have to be at war anymore” are the words that came to mind the other day.
Today is just a different day.