Allowing ourselves to be truly known can be frightening. If you are not sure if this is something you may need to work on, look at your relationships and/or your business and you will see if you are struggling with being known, and seen.
Do you allow your partner to really see you?
Do you allow him/her to see you in your vulnerability?
In your business, are you shining as brightly as you can? Are you going big or playing small?
For women who have been hurt on any level, being invisible, and making sure we are small enough to stay hidden, are mechanisms we have used to protect ourselves.
We are very clever creatures.
I am a very clever creature and have used this cloak of invisibility to protect myself from attention, because in my inner child mind, attention means being seen, being seen means risking getting hurt.
Once people see you they can hurt you.
Once you let people into your world, you are vulnerable. Often I found myself hiding just from the shame of being me. And what I mean by that is, the perception of my looks (not pretty enough, too fat, awkward gait, lazy eye, and all the hidden shame I carried about what happened to me)
My own personal work for the past 7 years has been to let go of this cloak, and allow myself to “be known”. Coming out as a survivor was the first big step.
Sharing my struggles as a woman recovering from childhood abuse and sexual abuse, has been another way I continually allow myself to be known.
I work hard at letting my light shine. It doesn’t come easy. Sometimes I feel “invisible”, sometimes I feel like “too much”, sometimes I feel like, “why bother”, sometimes I feel like “retreating and hiding”.
What keeps me going is you, yes you.
The women in my sanctuary, who show up so brilliantly for themselves and for each other. Who show up for my courses and are willing to share their pain and their light with each other.
The people who read my blog and newsletter, who care about what I have to say, who send me private messages letting me know that I’ve touched them. I have a lot of quiet followers who do not comment but every once in a while send me a note letting me know they’ve been listening and following my journey.
You all keep me going.
And for the past two years of intense healing, painting, and learning to love who I am, I am aware that I am also doing it for me, because I love me.
I have new eyes for me.