Walking Video Diaries Pushing Past the Wall [entry-title permalink="0"]

walk 14 005

Nothing like stepping out of your comfort zone to to bring up your “stuff”.

And its perfect isn’t it?

It may not feel perfect but it is.

As part of my journey of yes, I am working on releasing weight, seeing myself differently and reframing who “I think I am”. I have seen myself as sick and tired for a long time, as someone who doesn’t exercise, who will never be fit.  In order to change this perception, I am doing things a fit person would do…I’ve been walking now for a week, five days a week, with two days off. I’m working on what I eat and how I think about what I eat and really challenging my perception of my body.

My walks are 90 minutes and in those 90 minutes, it is often a battle of will.  My feet are sore and blistered, my legs burn, my fear about my DI kicks in as there is no bathroom anywhere, my fears of being attacked in the woods stemming from the multiple violations by men as a child comes up as well. The bugs are annoying and its not rare to see me running from a rather large unknown flying bug.  People on the path rush past me which also brings up the old story of “I am not enough, I’m not doing enough”

I have been walking around with these beliefs for a long time, and have NOT challenged them. This is the first time I am taking an approach of YES rather than an approach of NO (no I can’t do this, no I can’t eat that etc). I am challenging my own perception of myself and its hard, but there is such power in it. I am recognizing what I have received from believing in this story, how has it served me and why it no longer serves me.

clearing

I am also saying yes to other things in my life as well, which really helps to give balance to the journey. I don’t want to just focus on weight loss or even look at this as a weight loss journey, because it isn’t. It is really about shedding what no longer serves, what no longer fits in with who I truly am underneath the distortions of my own thinking.

I am grateful and scared. I am afraid of quitting and being disappointed in myself again. I am afraid of disappointing all of you as well. I won’t shun those feelings or talk myself out of them, they are important, but I also won’t let myself get too hooked into them.

walking

If you would like to follow my journey, I will be posting video diaries weekly of my walks and musings and struggles in the sanctuary. If you are not a member you can join here, its free. Once you are approved, you can head over to the forum, you’ll see the” What do you want to say yes to in your life right now?” thread which contains the videos and a running thread with other members saying yes to what they want in their lives right now. Feel free to join us on a journey of yes! If you are already a member, just head on over to the forum. I’ve posted three videos so far.

Much Love Beautiful Ones