28 Days of Truth, Art and Healing: Day #19 Standing Still [entry-title permalink="0"]

Never get so busy making a living

A day of truth…

I planned to go light today..but I’m in this odd place where I feel as if I am at a standstill..like I’m not sure what’s next in my life, not sure what I should be doing. I have periods like this.I try not to get too anxious about it, it usually means something different is coming, some shift is around the bend and so I’m watching and going into myself a little more, almost like I am curling up, wanting to know more of ME, needing to be with myself.

It has nothing to do with my business as I am very clear about that, but life, yeah that’s another story. Where I want to go next in this life is a lot more fuzzy and I realize that often my personal desires have been clouded by what I want for my business and what I am building.

It’s understandable that when you are growing a business, your life could become very entwined and even overtaken by what you are growing, but it is also important to step back and realize when your life has become your business.

Ironically, I have the above plaque right in my bedroom and so I can never get too far away from this truth.

I also think that not having a partner right now leaves me feeling a little lost as I consider what’s next and what I want to do. Believe me I know that as a single woman you could do a lot with your life. I know you can still have goals and desires and fulfill them, but I am pretty sure I am the kind of woman who likes to have a partner to do those things with and to share those experiences.

That’s a real hard truth for me as I stand alone.

So for me it feels like instead of planning out my life, which can send anyone into a state of panic, I’m planning just what is next, paying attention to what’s right here, right now.

I’ll be digging into my desires with Danielle Laporte’s Desire Map,  being present to what hooks me in, with Pema Chodron’s audios and spending a lot of time just being still and listening.

I like both the input (feeding my soul) and the quiet to process and apply.

So I’m changing, being at a standstill to “standing still” as in standing without moving, (not still standing, which feels too much like just surviving).

I’m standing still to listening to the language of my life, my body, my spirit. I’m writing more which always gets me in touch with me. My moods seem to rise and fall more quickly when I am in this space and so I am working on compassion and acceptance for all of my experience.

It’s okay.

I’m okay.

I’m breathing, nice deep breaths as I stand at the precipice of my life and open more fully into what is next for me..Stephanie, not the coach, not the artist, or even the writer, just Stephanie, the girl/woman. Feeling the need right now to make that distinction.