Creating an e-course is almost always a transformative experience for me. As I create materials that will help other women on the healing path go deeper into a topic, I also do my exploration with the journaling questions and art prompts. I always come out the other side with major insights and shifts within my being. It can’t help but happen and I am sure that on some level, I do it for myself just as much as I do it for the women who will take my courses.
This time around was no different and in fact I am still feeling the shifts within my being after creating the Inner Child Healing Workshop. Although I personally work with my inner child on a regular basis and am aware of how she shows up in my life, there is nothing like taking the time out to give focused attention to her. And that is what this course is about, taking the time to nurture the relationship between your self and your inner child.
What I learned…
Sometimes she is more present than I am aware of, especially lately as I work on changing my relationship with my body and food. …I have a five year old that comes up and wants what she wants when she wants it and a 12 year old that comes up and is very rebellious.
What I believed about the world and love still exists within me today to a certain degree and while I have changed my thinking, sometimes my inner little girl pipes in and reminds me of the past. It is up to my adult self to listen with compassion and continually show her a different story. (love is not scarce, you don’t have to do or be anything to be loved)
The ways I was unsafe as a child, has a correlation between some of the ways I have kept my inner child unsafe in my adult life *entering into relationships that were untrustworthy, putting my own emotional self in emotional danger just as I was put in those situations as a child, feeling like I never had enough as a child and not financially securing myself as an adult (working on this!)
My inner little girl is afraid, angry, lost at times, wants attention, needs love and compassion, appreciates encouragement, is hopeful, is curious and wants to believe in the good in everyone. She is me.
She gets triggered when I compare myself to others and feels like she will never be good enough. She gets triggered when she is rejected by anyone. She gets triggered when someone is screaming or there is any violence on tv or in life (if for example I see a man possibly getting physical someone, I freeze) She gets triggered when there is the possibility that she will not be accepted or liked (I work on this as not everyone will like me and that is okay…she just doesn’t know that yet) There quite a few things that trigger her and it is my job to keep her safe just as I would my own child.
I have a strong inner parent who can be reparent her over time and this is a very important relationship in my healing process. (week four of the Inner Child Healing Workshop)
I have the power to keep my inner child safe in the adult world (week three) and it feel really good to know that.
For a long time my inner child was driving the bus in some really adult relationships. I was acting from a wounded place in those relationships, from a helpless, powerless place. I am not surprised as I grew into a woman, I was still very much a wounded girl, trying to figure it all out. Most of my twenties and even some of my thirties, I didn’t understand my own power, I didn’t understand so many things about life, love, spirituality and being. And although I’ve come a long way, the work never ends, but it does get easy. Today I am discovering a very loving relationship with my inner child. Today when she gets triggered, and I become aware, I get to love her and show her the compassion she didn’t get as a child. It is a gift I choose to give to myself after years of suffering.
How about you? What is your relationship with your inner child?