Recently while taking Dream Boogie with the amazing SARK, I played around with naming what I do. I knew I was a coach, writer, group facilitator…but what was I really doing, what was the core essence of my work in the world?
Such a heavy question. Enough to send me into panic. Oh no, what am I doing? It’s like asking, who am I?
The words Healing Truth kept coming up for me and I was able to define at least for now that, “I help others heal their truth and come back to the truth of who they are underneath their wounding.
There are times people, when I wish I taught knitting or something.
Although, this work is deep-soul-stirring work both for me and the women I work with, it is abstract and often cannot be measured. It’s not like you get a nice neat little product after working with me. I envy those who help others learn how to make something or create and sell a product. Not that there isn’t a great amount of work involved, but there is a definite end product…which is not the case in healing work.
Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, but when I think about launching something, it is really hard to do it in the way others do it…with such celebration and the classic woohoo, yippee energy!
It is hard to come from that excited energy when basically you are saying…”you are going to get to do some healing, you are going to get in there and access some truth… it may be painful, actually it probably will be. You will cry, rage, get annoyed, want to give up, project, get out of your comfort zone, your loved ones may even have a hard time with you, but you will get something out of it, something you can’t see, something that will be subtle, something you will feel or notice, and not even right away.”
Great, thanks. But how will I know it worked? How will I know it is fixed? See therein lies the problem, the illusion of the magic bullet, the idea that the work will be done, that you will be fixed, that it will get fixed. (this is the same attitude I had for many years, that’s why I know it so well)
The truth is healing happens in layers over time and you don’t necessarily arrive at some wonderful destination of wholeness. I think we are all wanting to be whole. We think if we do enough healing work, we will finally arrive at this magical place of wholeness where we have healed everything. And in the meantime, we are broken, so very broken until we….are finally whole and DONE.
The truth is healing work is abstract. Healing is subjective, not something you can necessarily measure or see, an outcome you can’t necessarily see like a fully knit sweater or a rise in profits.
It is something you feel. It is a shift in consciousness, a shift in the body, a shift in the charge of the wound. It occurs slowly, more often than not. You may not even know it is working till you notice how you are not affected as much as you were before, or you may notice you are not having as many negative thoughts as you were before, or you are just kinder to yourself and more able to love from a space of confidence rather than fear.
It is something that lives inside of you and breathes through you. And that is more valuable than a knit sweater…not that there is anything wrong with sweaters.