Recently, as I started to redefine my work in the world, I had to re-examine how My Voice of Truth/Finding Your Voice of Truth came to be and ask myself, if the same message still held true for me?
Where we are on our healing path in the beginning, and our understanding of it will not always remain the same.
But this one little phrase, voice of truth, still remains the cornerstone of the work that I do and the message I absolutely want to bring to the world.
I am but one messenger and I have struggled with being one of many. This concept is not anything that others are not teaching as well, but we all teach it in different ways, and reach the particular people who resonate with our unique way of delivery.
I am learning to trust that truth.
And so the message of the true self stems from my own story of discovering my own voice of truth.
I grew up being told I was stupid, weak, that I had the devil inside me, among other hurtful word lashings I experienced regularly.
I was raised to believe the very worst about myself and so the little girl I was, believed. We believe what our Mommy tells us about ourselves and even when we grow up and begin to understand intellectually, that she was a sick, a deeply broken woman…that voice stays with us.
I believe some of us form an abuser inside, that rails against us when we are asleep/unconscious to who we REAllY are. Until we awaken and begin to consciously uncover and nurture the voice of the true self, we often find ourselves depressed, anxious, in dysfunctional relationships, using alchohol or drugs either to confirm what we were told or to drown it out.
I had a constant barrage of voices in my head speaking unkindness, criticism, and berating me almost every moment of the day. At the time I was not aware of my thinking and its impact on my life.
I was not conscious of my thinking as separate from me. I believed it was who I am.
My awakening happened slowly. I awakened in layers.
I am a layers kind of girl.
At some point in my life I became aware of my thinking initially through reading books about how thinking creates one’s reality. I started to read voraciously books that all seemed to have the same message and I believe I came to that message at the right time in my life. What I kept getting was:
“I was not my thinking, the voice speaking was not me and that I in fact had a true self who would never speak such hateful things to me. I was amazed by this concept and began to explore this voice of truth and make a conscious effort to nurture it, and raise its volume.”
While working on my untitled memoir, my brother in law at the time gave me a cd of Casting Crowns singing Voice of Truth. And although I had long since left my Christian roots to explore spirituality on my own terms, the words spoke to me in a very strong way at the time and put words to the message I believe Spirit was trying to speak to me and the message I was conveying in the book I was writing at the time.
And that is how the title emerged. I decided to call my memoir and the website for survivors, My Voice of Truth. That is what it was.
Each page another truth unpacked, examined, felt, moved through, grieved and cracked opened for its wisdom.
And if I had a voice of truth, all my fellow sisters and brothers who survived the abuse in their childhoods had one too. And if by speaking mine, I could somehow inspire them to speak their own truth…then my life, my story, my pain had a purpose.
Those years of writing, My Voice of Truth gave birth to the work I do now in the world. It encapsulated the message I was trying to convey to survivors at the time and to hold for myself and my own life.
It is a message I still believe and value. And even though I have grown beyond seeing healing only through the mind and just changing one’s own thinking, I am realizing more and more that the voice of truth can be heard in the body and spirit as well.
I’ve learned that the voice of truth is a vibration that heals us on a mind, body and spirit level. It is the essence of who we are.
The healing path is the process of listening to it, and allowing it to fully embody us to become more and more of who we are underneath the pain of our stories.