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I have been slowly transitioning into my life, taking my time to get back to the pile of dream related tasks emerging and growing so rapidly at this time in my life.  Today, I avoided writing this blog post, it seemed at all costs. I spent my day cooking, shopping, blowing out my hair, walking the dog, giving Gia play time in the living room while I lay on the rug making long sounds, like holding notes…just because it felt right to do so.  I brought my knees into my chest, then pointed my legs to the ceiling and continued to make this long sound. There was no emotion, just a sound coming from deep within me as if to remind me I am still here.

 

I needed to distract myself today from the long list I came home to…

Develop a course for Daily OM

Create content for your new ning: Healing Truth Sanctuary

Create a blog challenge for yourself…so you’ll blog every day or at least blog every few days…just blog dammit

Keep up with your Finding Your Voice of Truth Facebook Page (Truth Seeker Notes)

Stay Connected with people you care about in your life as well as the people you are serving in your business.

Create your first ebook

Create your first ecourse for your ning

Get the word out

Walk Shelly three to four times a day

Take Gia out at least twice a day

Cook, clean, bathe, brush your teeth, have a life, see clients, meet with friends for tea

Oh, yeah, continue on your healing journey and all that it entails…cause ya know sometimes you forget yourself while you are busy healing the world

Meditate daily, meditate, meditate, meditate

Pressure anyone?

Not surprised I lay on the rug and made long sounds of nothingness…just because, I wanted to hear my own voice. I haven’t spoken much since I came home on Sunday. My daughter is away and I gratefully folded myself into the silence after being in community for four days.

The retreat was intense and powerful. Women coming together and honoring each others stories, and process is extremely powerful.  I am in awe of the women I met and grew to love in just a few days. Love is not time bound as the principles of loving say and I get to experience the truth in this every time I go up there.

I am still processing my own personal piece of work. I am careful about putting into words my experience on the “mat” (that is the place where each woman does her work) at Shalom Mountain.

It feels too soon..not enough distance to have the perspective I need to fully unfold the learnings, but I can say this:

I learned that I have an internal army of protectors who I have deep compassion for. I recognize how scared these parts are and I also recognize that their way of protecting me, no longer serves me.  I do not need to banish them, (as if I could) I just need to love them and tell them that everything will be okay. It is safe to risk, to love, to live, to breathe, to move, to be joyful. And I need to remind them of this often.

I also learned that my body needs my loving attention, not just in the eating right, exercising, taking my vitamins kind of way, but also in the honoring, the loving, the paying attention and being with way.  I learned that my body is doing the best it can do based on the signals, beliefs and messages I have given it for all these years. It is an amazingly receptive system. I need to give it new messages of love and safety. It is a scared body, with lots of muscular defenses and cushions of weight to buffer me from the outside world.


My intentions are to spend more time with my body in a sacred way..sending light to the parts that ache, envisioning a sacred cleansing of my entire body and allowing myself to fall in love with one body part at a time (there are quite a few parts I rather like, I will start with those. I have been doing this in some form or another throughout the last few years, but I would like to have a more consistent ritual/schedule that says this is important.

I am important.

This blog title was supposed to be entitled, “My Army of Protectors” and I was going to focus on them throughout this post. Of course they wouldn’t let me, cause, well…they are protecting me. It is not necessarily rational although I suspect it is more rational than not, since we spend most of our time protecting ourselves, our emotional selves in some way or another. We don’t expose how we really feel, we don’t open up our internal world for the world to see, in fact we do a lot to avoid being seen in our vulnerability and so perhaps it is quite rational that I spent my entire day avoiding this blog post. I honor that and I also honor the kick ass in me who sat down and started writing anyway. I was told I was feisty and zesty on retreat and I own it.

I am not entirely that scared little girl on the playground, in the dark apartment in the Bronx. I am freer and I am here, open and willing to let you see me. And that takes guts.

Deep Gratitude for you all.