Sometimes we feel so broken, we can’t even imagine ever being “fixed”. We want to feel normal, to be happy and not in fear of the next thing that may take it all away. I work hard at staying in the moment and being present because when I drift, my conditioning takes over. I start to think about the pain, which makes me think about the possible pain to come, which makes me afraid, which makes me hold back, which makes me feel overwhelmed, then numb.
Today I came across the following quote:
Fear is never about anything real. Fear is the story of the future, always and the future does not exist. So there is nothing to be frightened of. Carol L. Skolnick
When I am feeling broken, I am thinking of either the past or the future. I am imagining that I may never feel good again. I am remembering the trauma and the pain. I am not in the beauty of my present. Instead I am living in the fear of a future that may never come.
If I can allow myself this moment, this moment of laughter, of sadness, of struggle even, I will see that I am complete just as I stand. All is as it should be. There is nothing to fear, for anything I fear is about something I think may happen. It is not real. In this moment I am exactly where I need to be.
Today I am working on staying right here, right in the moment. I am beginning to ask myself the question, “where are you?” to remind myself to return again and again to my now.
Now is the only place I need to be, it is my place of power. From the moment I am in, I can create what I want in my life. I can ask and move toward my desires. Feeling whole is one of them and believing in my wholeness another. Today I ask to feel whole, to feel normal, to feel complete. Today I want to accept and embrace the brokenness and the parts of me that are just not quite “right”. In time I want to understand that just like the fear, they are only an illusion.
Keep healing and growing….